Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
