And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
