Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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