Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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