So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
