I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
