Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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