my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
