I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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