my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
