Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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