i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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