do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
