I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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