You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Say something about gay babies.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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