he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
