How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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