I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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