I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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