gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
