could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
