# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
