Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
