the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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