Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
