Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
