Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
