He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
