We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
