So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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