You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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