Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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