Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
