I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
