Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
