You really coming over, don't trick.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Text me some of your sweat
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
