my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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