Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
