Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
