stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
