He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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