so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
