If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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