Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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