I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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