:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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