Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
