I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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