My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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