Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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