So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I wish life had little blips of pornography
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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