is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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