how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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