We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
